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Scams & Fake Doms: Spotting the Real Thing

Common scams in kink spaces, how fake dominants differ from real ones, and what to do if it's already happening to you.

Common scams in kink spaces

  • Catfishing / fake profiles

    What it looks like: Stolen photos, refuses video calls, and a story that never quite adds up.

    Why it's a scam: The person isn't who they claim to be. The relationship is built to gain your trust, then exploit it.

  • "Prove your submission" money requests

    What it looks like: A stranger demanding money, gift cards or crypto as "tribute" before any real relationship or negotiation.

    Why it's a scam: Real dynamics are negotiated, not demanded. Asking for payment to prove devotion is a way to extract money.

  • Sextortion

    What it looks like: Someone pressures you to send intimate photos, then threatens to share them unless you pay.

    Why it's a scam: It's blackmail. The goal from the start is to get leverage and money.

  • Fake "verification" or "deposit" requests

    What it looks like: Asking for your ID, a fee or a payment to "verify you're real" or before agreeing to meet.

    Why it's a scam: Legitimate people don't charge you to meet. These requests harvest money or identity documents.

  • Pressure to move off-platform fast

    What it looks like: Pushing you to switch to private apps right away.

    Why it's a scam: Off-platform, they can't be reported or blocked by moderators, and evidence is harder to keep.

  • Impersonating known community members

    What it looks like: Using the name or photos of known educators, organizers or community members.

    Why it's a scam: Borrowing someone's reputation shortcuts the trust a real person earns over time.

Fake Dom vs Real Dom

  • Fake Dom

    Demands obedience from the first message

    Real Dom

    Asks questions and negotiates first

  • Fake Dom

    Asks for money, gifts or photos early

    Real Dom

    Never asks for money or images to "prove" anything

  • Fake Dom

    Rushes you to meet or to go off-platform

    Real Dom

    Is fine with going slow and meeting at a public munch first

  • Fake Dom

    Dismisses limits and safewords

    Real Dom

    Respects limits the first time

  • Fake Dom

    Isolates you ("don't tell anyone about us")

    Real Dom

    Encourages your friends, community and a safety call

  • Fake Dom

    Can't be vouched for by anyone

    Real Dom

    Has people in the community who know them

  • Fake Dom

    "A real sub would..."

    Real Dom

    Never defines your submission for you

  • Fake Dom

    "I'm the man, so I'm in charge"

    Real Dom

    Roles come from negotiation, not gender

Protect yourself

  • —

    Never send money, gift cards, crypto or intimate images to someone you haven't met and verified.

  • —

    Do a video call before meeting, and reverse image search profile photos.

  • —

    Make first meetings public (munches are ideal). Tell a friend where you'll be and set up a safety call.

  • —

    Keep conversations on platforms where you can report people.

If it's already happening

It's not your fault, and you're not alone. Scammers are skilled at this, and there are clear steps that help.

  1. Stop responding and don't pay. Paying usually leads to more demands.
  2. Save evidence: screenshots, usernames and payment details.
  3. Block and report the account on the platform.
  4. Report scams and sextortion to the FBI: ic3.gov
  5. If the images were taken when you were under 18, NCMEC's Take It Down can help remove them: takeitdown.ncmec.org

Disclaimer: This guide is for educational purposes only and is not medical, legal, or professional advice. All activities require ongoing consent between adults.