Beginner
Partner Red Flags vs Green Flags
Behaviors that signal a trustworthy partner, and warning signs that warrant caution.
Green flags
- Respects limits without argument.
- Welcomes negotiation and check-ins.
- Is open about experience and health.
- Supports safe-calls and meeting in public first.
- Thanks you for using your safeword or calling red.
Red flags
- Dismisses or pushes past limits.
- Refuses safewords or check-ins.
- Pressures for secrecy or isolation.
- Rushes intensity or escalation.
- Arguing, persuading, guilt-tripping, or sulking after a red. This is a hard red flag.
- The DM 'Dom': a stranger messaging 'call me Sir' or 'obey me' before any real conversation.
- 'A real sub would...': pressure dressed up as expertise. Nobody defines your submission for you.
- Gender entitlement: 'I'm the man, so I'm in charge.' Roles come from negotiation, not gender.
Trust your judgment
If something feels off, it is always acceptable to leave, pause, or decline.
Disclaimer: This guide is for educational purposes only and is not medical, legal, or professional advice. All activities require ongoing consent between adults.